giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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