carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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