I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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