Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you bring me the toilet please
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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