I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
