i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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