Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
