I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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