Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
