Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
