I am full of burrito and curiosity
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
