I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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