i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i need some magic done to my vagina
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
