Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
