well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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