I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
