Someone shit on the floor
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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