you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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