I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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