You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
