you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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