I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
