I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
