One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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