I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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