i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
