once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
