his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
