So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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