I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
