Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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