mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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