but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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