I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
