This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
