Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
