oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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