I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
