If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
