had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
