I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
