I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So many bounce houses so little time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
