Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
