he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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