he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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