make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
