Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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