I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
