dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
