you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
