if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
