i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I bet he comes in French.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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