He is an equal opportunity slut.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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